The church needs me.
It’s that time of year again and the church needs my crappy violin playing skills. I’m not sure if I’ll do it this year, but maybe I should just say yes and then wait till the last minute and go “woops”. Or maybe I should go up on stage and really mess up their show. For example, ending on a bleak minor chord during the phrase “Joy to the world, the Lord is come.” It’d be nice to screw with them once in a while, seeing that they’ve screwed me ever since I was old enough to go to Sunday School. You see, I hate the church. I go there for entertainment. When I was 10 I was an avid believer, as avid as my mother. Jesus was like my superhero, and going to church was a breeze for me, like a walk in the park, go figure. When I was 12 I became pretty “agnostic”. Then I think at 13 I finally learnt what the word “atheist” means. Now I’m 16, and I’m as arrogant a teenager as any 16-year-old should be… so yeah, the church can go fuck itself.
Then I came to realise that I, of all people, have in fact been partly responsible for the propagation of Christianity, even without my knowing it… For example, any church-goer would know what a truly heart-warming feeling it is to hear music played in between the sermons. Yes it was me, and I assure you that it was I who gave you that fuzzy feeling, and not God — so I confess, it was all a fraud. I even played the soft chords (usually this progression: I, vi, iib, V, VI, Vb, I…etc) in the background while the pastor said his boring old prayers, so if anyone has ever been healed by God through my pastor’s prayers, then I take credit for that too. So it logically follows that either I am God, or God does not exist — well, I am happy with either conclusion.
Last year I was brave enough to pull a bit of a stunt. Knowing that my pastor was(is) a zealous creationist, I wore an evolution T-shirt during my solo violin performance, and it did give me some pleasure, even if no one might have noticed it. This year, it’s different. I no longer think of Christianity as a joke. Well, it IS a joke, but what I’m saying is, it isn’t just that. I think that Christianity is an evil force in the world, and things become considerably less humorous, when they are evil as well.
This year I want to be serious. I feel like going up there on stage and, instead of fiddling ‘Holy Night’ or ‘Away in a Manger’, giving instead an hour-long speech on the irrationality of faith. This is what is called for when an organisation as corrupt as the church asks you for an extra favour, after having already spent the last 10 years or so attempting to brainwash you when you were still so young and defenceless.
Which brings me to the point. The church needs me, but it also needs you and every one of you. The church is an organisation and it requires people to be organised. That’s why they often excommunicate people… as if they have any right to say who gets to join the house of God and who doesn’t. Like I said, fuck the church. Fuck it wherever and whenever. Sorry for being rude but the church really had this one coming.

Tim
You probably already have played now how did it go?
I really felt for what you are going through because I used to sing and play guitar in church when I was 15 -17. My parents got all excited because they thought I had talent ( I was just OK ) and I felt obligated. As I read that it brought back how it was. It felt good to play in front of people but it wasnt really my style and even then I must have been a budding atheist because I didnt feel moved by what I was playing. I’m sure my parents just wanted to share my “gift” LOL , but it felt forced. As I read this entry in your blog it brought back how it was.
I feel bad about the position you find yourself in. Not just about having to play music that you dont like to people who wouldnt understand you but that you have to go along with religion as a part of your life while you have a different view. Just thought I would tell you my experience and that I know a bit what it’s like. I hope it helps some.
Hi Rick. This thing is for Christmas. They got hold of me early because they wanted me to do a few violin solos. I’ll probably turn it down this year, making some excuses like “I’m too busy working on a Mozart piano concerto” or something. I don’t feel like playing for church anymore. In fact, I don’t even want to go to church anymore… I wouldn’t, if only I had the choice, because I really don’t like to associate myself with these people. sigh…
I missed or forgot the Christmas part. lol.
I understand where you are comming from, being in church gets old after you have lost that giddy I’m a christian feeling. Once I starting working , I worked as many Sundays as I could, that got me away from it.
You making excuses should work well and wouldnt be confrontational. It won’t be too long before you can make your own decisions. Hang in there Tim!